A Visit from FedEx

I was inspired by my recent travails with my FedEx Bedrock delivery (Next Bedrock Release (November 11) - WINE TALK - WineBerserkers)

A Visit from FedEx
(With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)

Twas the day after deliv’ry when all through the house
I was slammin’ some doors and cussing a louse
The slots were all opened and labeled with care
In the hopes that my Bedrock soon would be there.
All other orders were snug in the cellar
While I threatened violence on that FedEx feller
Mama cried out “Must I hear this again!”
While I ‘m on the computer, complaining to friends
“Delivery exception, no one at home” it did say
(Not true I was there and took off the whole day)
“But you’re on the outskirts, way far out on our run
And pretending we tried is part of the fun!”
When out on the road there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my cellar to see what was the matter.
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a large yellow rent truck, grinding the gears
With a big burly driver I just had to check,
I knew in a moment, it’s Dave from FedEx!
Slowly, but surely, up the hill he came,
And he cursed as he labored, and called them by name:
“First Bedrock, now Carlisle, now Sandler, and then,
When I think I am done here comes Bedrock again!”
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
I load’em and haul’em and carry them all!”
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to my front door that truck it did come
With Dave yelling “At last, with this one, I’m done!”
And then, in a twinkling, I heard from the back,
The door sliding open, metal wheels in the track.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Dave, carrying cases, came up with a bound.
He was dressed all in blue with “Fedex” in red,
As he handed my cases these words they were said;
“I’m sorry I lied and said last night you weren’t here,
I was hungry and tired and I needed a beer!
But I’m making amends by delivering on Saturday
So give me your signature and I will go on my way.”
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

Wishing all the Berserkers, the happiest of holidays.

That…was awesome. True Berserker material. Well done Stephen. Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Fantastic. Happy Holidays.

Wonderful! Happy Holidays!

A star is born!!!

We doing wine doggerel in this thread?

“This wine is piss!” the hipster cried
“It’s fruity and its ripe
I’d much prefer a muscadet,
I’m gagging on this tripe!
What’s that you say? This wine is grown
By peasants in the jura?
They sing the grapes to sleep at night
And age it in ampora?”
(Sniff sniff) “But now, it’s opening,
as I of course expected.
It needs a good decant to show
its best to be delected.”
I knew this wine was great at once
but merely quite shut down,
You say its $50 bucks a pop?
For magnums, put me down. "

Robert Parker’s mood was grim; his disposition bleak
His agent had agreed that’d he’d be tasting Burgs that week.
“It’s just not worth it, even if they’ll pay me for my rating”,
The Rousseau was undrinkable - the acid very grating.
He grimaced at the next wine - something called La Romanee
“I can’t believe I’m doing this - this no good, crappy day”
He hardly sipped before he gagged and rapidly he spit,
“Isn’t comte a cheese?” he thought, “this wine, it tastes like shit!”
And then the next wine poured was something awful called Pommard.
He’d been pimped out to christen shit, and this was just too far.
“I cannot drink this swill!” he screamed, “Take back your fee! I’ll go!
I cannot stomach ANY of this vile Epeneaux.”

Thanks for bringing a smile to my face.