Face-Palm: Total Wine sales associates

I went to my local Total Wine today to find some near-term, mid-price bottles since I had a decent coupon. I don’t expect to find really interesting wines, or for the staff there to be true experts. At best, I expect a sales pitch for one of their high margin direct imports or private labels.

But today I had to re-calibrate my bar at an incredibly low level.

Total Wine Sales Associate: Can I help you find anything in particular?
Me: Kind of . . . . do you have any Malbec from Patagonia?
TWSA: No, we only carry Malbec from Argentina, Chile and Uruguay. Are you aware this is our South American Wine Event?
Me: Yes, I have your coupon.
TWSA: (Pointing to Cruz Alta wines on shelf) I poured these wines at the South American wine educational seminar I led in-store this week. These showed well and I’d highly recommend them.
Me: Thanks, I’ll think about it.
TWSA: Have you tried Chilean ‘Car-men-air-EH’? That is another interesting variety.
Me: Yes, I was just looking at the Concha y Toro Terrunyo Carmenere.
TWSA: I’d also recommend Tannat from Uruguay, it has [fill in list of generic red wine characteristics] . . . .

OK, so apparently the local Total Wine South American wine ‘expert’ who is qualified to lead their seminar doesn’t know Patagonia is in Argentina or that Carmenere is pronounced more like ‘car-men-yair’. I was likely exuding smug indifference–not a good thing–but that was probably better than starting an argument over geography and pronunciation. I always want to get out of these awkward sales situations as quickly as possible so I can get back to browsing, and avoiding confrontation was in my favor to that end.

The scary thing is Total Wine is still managing to set some sort of bar for wine/spirits professionalism in my local market . . . .

Maybe he thought you were asking for the famous outerwear store’s wine label the Patagonia Malbec

To be fair to Total Wine, the locally run wine (and beer and liquor) shop with the most decent selection:

1. Runs on the warm side in the summer, I’d guess low 80s, due to wimpy climate control.
2. Repeatedly said that a Graciano in a tasting lineup was one of “hundreds of traditional Italian varieties.”
3. Repeatedly said that Summers in Napa is the only grower of Charbono and if you are drinking Charbono, it is from Summers. However, there is also a bit of Charbono grown in Mendocino, some of which I tasted in June.

So it’s a dead heat between TW and the LWS on the (mis)information side of the battle. Beyond that it’s a choice between boring wines with decent but not great prices, stored at a sound temperature and a few compelling selections, usually priced at the high end of the spectrum, stored significantly warmer than my comfort zone.

And that’s why I can’t wait for shipping season!

Shit, you reminded me that I forgot the kicker to the whole experience: I found a couple of Malbecs from Patagonia on the shelf after she left!

I’m actually kind of surprised now that you mention it that she didn’t direct me to the Patagonia store down the street–or worse–the REI across town . . . .

To be fair, this is the first time I’ve heard of the Patagonia region and have not to this point seen any promoted by any online retailers. Not knowing Chinon, sure. Jura? Probably should know by now. But Patagonia? Hmm. I would definitely let that pass.

From a wine on TW’s website:

From Argentina’s > famed Patagonia region > comes this medium-bodied Malbec sourced from 30+ year old vines . . . .

Their words, not mine. And I know nothing of Patagonia, either, but was curious if they had anything outside of the usual Mendoza options. Since TW was having an ‘Explore South America’ month, it seemed like fair game. The person doing their seminars should at least be aware of their stock.

I didn’t come out guns blazing demanding Bourgueils because I didn’t like their lone Saumur Champigny selection, or wanting to know where they keep their Xinomavro and Baga selections hidden.

That said, I would be mildly shocked if the first person I asked knew of Chinon or Jura. Usually they go off to look up anything not on their hard sell list. I wouldn’t be surprised if Chinon ended up being devilishly tricky if they tried the phonetic spelling.

I get the same line when I go in for champagne. “This champagne I poured in a tasting always does better than the big names like Cristal and Dom. It’s grandcru. That means the grapes are the highest quality.” Heard this speech 3 separate times from what I think is the same guy.

I think they must get an incentive for pushing certain wines.

How about pushing NZ Sav Blanc when I asked for the section with Loire Sav. Blancs? Or telling me that the vintage doesn’t really matter?

I really do not like this place at all. It’s like the Walmart of Wine, except that the pricing is not really all that great. Their marketing is great, however.

Cheap prices on some wines is the only reason to visit TW. The staff belong at Old Navy.

Man, where do you live? Luckily, I do not have a ‘local’ Total Wine and hope we never do.

I usually go in with a list of what I want, I grab it, check out with my 20% off coupon and appreciate the discount. They may not be the best, but they carry stuff I cannot otherwise get locally, and they provide nice coupons.

+1!!

You think that’s a low bar? How about some of my favorites, like “I really don’t have a favorite Syrah, but if you want to consider a different grape, I’ll show you a good Shiraz.” Or “we have a very nice Petite Syrah (sic) but we don’t have any Grand Cru Syrah.” Or the always enjoyable, " do you want the white grape zinfandel or the red grape zinfandel?"

Complain, complain, complain! Things could be a lot worse; you could live in PA.

It is the high street model - having sales assistants trained in a spiel, but without any interest in what they’re selling (excepting what commission is involved).

I much more admire the companies that actively recruit/encourage enthusiasts. Jessops (cameras) in their early years were exceptional, and Oddbins for wine. Properly motivated, such people don’t learn a spiel, but gain a much wider understanding, which is much more useful.

I love these threads. These same guys will leave a golf course with actual grass and an actual golf professional drive to Dicks or Golfsmiths or wherever and take advice from some idiot who was working at Taco Cabana last week.
Theses grapes are grand cru=“this is the same model Dustin Johnson uses”
This wine out scored Dom at our last in store=“these would be perfect for a guy with your swingspeed”
Rant over…

Yeah, but at least they have a computer for analysis. All the guys at the wine store have are shelf talkers.

Ian,
Comissions?? I wasn’t aware that any of these people on the floor received a commission? Least not in the US.
Tom

Summarized.

My first question would be why you are looking for Malbec and Carménère in the first place.
But that’s just me.