What's wrong with this tasting note?

Dave_Smig · January 29, 2010, 9:40pm

I happened to be perusing a wine website this afternoon and found some interesting tasting notes. Whats wrong with it?

Tasting Notes: Clean, fun, and refreshing! Hints of watermelon, grapefruit, and cranberry. Great round mid-pallet with a stern balanced finish. Serve slightly chilled to complement light seafood dishes and salads.

Terence_T-Bone_Livingston · January 29, 2010, 9:42pm

Must be heavily oaked if it taste like pallet!

Theodore_Anderson · January 29, 2010, 9:45pm

A lot of people seem to think wine tastes like pallet.

Tyler_Rico · January 29, 2010, 9:49pm

three interesting fruit descriptors to include in one note

must be a rose… no?

Terence_T-Bone_Livingston · January 29, 2010, 9:50pm

I thought it tastes like chicken…?

ToddFrench · January 29, 2010, 9:54pm

It’s an old Bordeaux?

John_Liotta · January 29, 2010, 10:15pm

http://store.nexternal.com/arw/2008-pinot-noir-rose-russian-river-valley-p27.aspx" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

David_Strange · January 29, 2010, 10:34pm

There is a report on a truly appalling tasting note here. May we never sink to the depths of writing such laughable, overblown, drivelly toss no matter how compelled we are by a wine.

Cheers,
David.

PS. I sincerely hope that note was not written by a Wine Berserker.

John_Liotta · January 29, 2010, 10:40pm

David, you can sign up for your guy’s newsletter here:

http://www.sonomasom.com/azzarozinfandel06.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

David_Strange · January 29, 2010, 10:44pm

Hello John,

Even when it is an endless, insomnia-themed night I have better things to do that read such drivel. Good show finding the author, though, maybe we can all point at him and laugh.

Cheers,
David.

Nate_Simon · January 30, 2010, 7:18am

Was this from the Ocean Spray web site?

Dave_Smig · January 30, 2010, 6:44pm

I didnt want to reveal the source, but you guys found it anyway.

Ocean Spray…i laughed out loud.

But some of your responses made me think of a fun type of game. post some tasting notes and have folks guess what the wine is. w/o using Google

Bruce_Leiser_owitz · January 30, 2010, 7:09pm

Well, if you think of “stern” in terms of the rear end of the boat, I guess “stern finish” makes some sense. Unless the boat is motoring in reverse…

Bruce

Rick_Gregory · January 30, 2010, 10:49pm

M.Kaplan · January 30, 2010, 11:20pm

David,
How about this one?

“Let me preface this by stating this is a wine that defies conventional description. Writing about is simply an exercise in impotence, but I digress…Easily the most impressive Chardonnay I’ve tasted from California, this is a riveting tactile experience that has to be tasted to be believed. The thick layers of glycerine drip from the stem like melted ice, unmasking the deep golden colored, bass-toned wine. The scents are paradoxically obvious and profound, seething in singular waves as it sits in the glass. The is as texturally dynamic in the mouth as any ‘wine-concept’ could imagine to be, w/ its immense, almost elephantine shoulders cut by a rippling blitz of minerality. Jagged & chewy at the core, yet plump and expansive in its breadth, sipping this is as overwhelming to the senses as counting the innumerable stars in the sky, 99 points.”

The ‘writer’ of the foregoing has an entire blog filled with lots of …words. And points.

David_Strange · January 31, 2010, 3:45pm

Mark K:

David,
How about this one?

“Let me preface this by stating this is a wine that defies conventional description. Writing about is simply an exercise in impotence, but I digress…Easily the most impressive Chardonnay I’ve tasted from California, this is a riveting tactile experience that has to be tasted to be believed. The thick layers of glycerine drip from the stem like melted ice, unmasking the deep golden colored, bass-toned wine. The scents are paradoxically obvious and profound, seething in singular waves as it sits in the glass. The is as texturally dynamic in the mouth as any ‘wine-concept’ could imagine to be, w/ its immense, almost elephantine shoulders cut by a rippling blitz of minerality. Jagged & chewy at the core, yet plump and expansive in its breadth, sipping this is as overwhelming to the senses as counting the innumerable stars in the sky, 99 points.”

The ‘writer’ of the foregoing has an entire blog filled with lots of …words. And points.

Hello Mark,

An excellent example of the genre, I was most amused. Enthusiasm is good in tasting notes, but it has to be meaningful otherwise you repel readers rather than make them want to drink the stuff. Sometimes I worry that my most ‘compelled by a wine’ notesget a bit too close to this style, but I hope I put some more jokes in.

Cheers for sharing,
David.

Nick_Ryan · January 31, 2010, 5:30pm

Mark K:

“Let me preface this by stating this is a wine that defies conventional description. Writing about is simply an exercise in impotence, but I digress…Easily the most impressive Chardonnay I’ve tasted from California, this is a riveting tactile experience that has to be tasted to be believed. The thick layers of glycerine drip from the stem like melted ice, unmasking the deep golden colored, bass-toned wine. The scents are paradoxically obvious and profound, seething in singular waves as it sits in the glass. The is as texturally dynamic in the mouth as any ‘wine-concept’ could imagine to be, w/ its immense, almost elephantine shoulders cut by a rippling blitz of minerality. Jagged & chewy at the core, yet plump and expansive in its breadth, sipping this is as overwhelming to the senses as counting the innumerable stars in the sky, 99 points.”