Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

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John Morris
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Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#1 Post by John Morris » September 21st, 2020, 5:02 pm

Let me kick off with this from Ian McFadden at Crush this week:
Today, I'm happy to offer Coche-Dury's 2015 Bourgogne Aligoté for $199.95, the lowest price for any vintage of Coche's Aligoté in the country. I'm excited to have a second opportunity to offer this jaw-dropping example of Coche's Aligoté.
You got that? Two Benjamins for an aligoté.

He's happy to be offering it at $200? Not just happy, but excited!

Jaw-dropping, I agree.

OK. Next e-mail offer please ....
"But they told me there would be a hand basket."

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#2 Post by D@vid Bu3ker » September 21st, 2020, 5:04 pm

Every time Envoyer says they are offering the only bottles in the USA of a wine I already bought from a US retailer. Happens every couple of weeks.
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#3 Post by PaulMills » September 21st, 2020, 5:13 pm

I have a local LWS I love and a, friends with the owners, but still get the “highly allocated” or “only two cases in SC” emails like it is a big deal. I can get it from B21, Chicago, or a dozen other places. I still buy from them to support them, so slightly different than your situation, but same sentiment.

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#4 Post by Victor Hong » September 21st, 2020, 5:13 pm

Container on the way!
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#5 Post by John Morris » September 21st, 2020, 5:19 pm

Back up (the very small) truck!
"But they told me there would be a hand basket."

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#6 Post by Arv R » September 21st, 2020, 5:25 pm

All have (have not) arrived
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#7 Post by Andrew K. » September 21st, 2020, 5:41 pm

I guffawed when the post title said "retailers'", but that's neither here nor there.

Is this just Coche envy or are you actually complaining about the price being higher than other retailers?
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#8 Post by Victor Hong » September 21st, 2020, 5:46 pm

Arv R wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 5:25 pm
All have (have not) arrived
Newly in stock! (Returned from summer shipment, for re-sale.)
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#9 Post by jleedionne » September 21st, 2020, 5:52 pm

Andrew K. wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 5:41 pm
I guffawed when the post title said "retailers'", but that's neither here nor there.

Is this just Coche envy or are you actually complaining about the price being higher than s other retailers?
Highly doubt that he has Coche envy.

As good as the Aligoté is, $200 is a lot of money for wine that is probably not more than €15– ex-cellars.
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#10 Post by Andrew K. » September 21st, 2020, 5:53 pm

jleedionne wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 5:52 pm
As good as the Aligoté is, $200 is a lot of money for wine that is probably not more than €15– ex-cellars.
Naturally, but then let's talk about the importers and distributors... Wait that's another thread.
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#11 Post by John Morris » September 21st, 2020, 6:02 pm

Andrew K. wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 5:41 pm
[1] I guffawed when the post title said "retailers'", but that's neither here nor there.

[2] Is this just Coche envy or are you actually complaining about the price being higher than other retailers?
1. You have a problem with the plural possessive? My intention was to start a thread about various missives that make us guffaw. So it was meant to be plural.

2. I'm saying that I wish he was just a wee bit sheepish about the price. I mean, if this is such a rare and cherished thing, why does it need such a marketing push?
"But they told me there would be a hand basket."

"I'm not slurring my words. I'm speaking cursive."

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#12 Post by D@vid Bu3ker » September 21st, 2020, 6:04 pm

John Morris wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:02 pm
Andrew K. wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 5:41 pm
[1] I guffawed when the post title said "retailers'", but that's neither here nor there.

[2] Is this just Coche envy or are you actually complaining about the price being higher than other retailers?
1. You have a problem with the plural possessive? My intention was to start a thread about various missives that make us guffaw. So it was meant to be plural.

2. I'm saying that I wish he was just a wee bit sheepish about the price. I mean, if this is such a rare and cherished thing, why does it need such a marketing push?
Andrew is clearly not hurting for cash if you read the right threads.
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#13 Post by David_K » September 21st, 2020, 6:09 pm

Leave to Andrew to waltz in here and turn it into, oh, you can't afford Coche and I can and you're just jealous. It's almost comically villainous, and I'm not 100% convinced he isn't trolling. Unfortunately for all of us, he's not nearly as entertaining as Alan Eden was.
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#14 Post by RyanC » September 21st, 2020, 6:11 pm

The first time I saw the ‘08 Salon bundle offered. Actually every time.
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#15 Post by B. Buzzini » September 21st, 2020, 6:22 pm

For us here in the good ol USA...any Coche Dury under $200... flirtysmile
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#16 Post by Mark Golodetz » September 21st, 2020, 6:31 pm

Even when they are not offering “the discerning wines of Rajat Parr,” almost every e mail from Sotheby’s has me at least smiling and sometimes I do have an occasional guffaw at their ludicrous pricing.

BTW, talking of apostrophes why do both Sotheby’s and Christie’s have them?
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#17 Post by Neal.Mollen » September 21st, 2020, 6:42 pm

D@vid Bu3ker wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 5:04 pm
Every time Envoyer says they are offering the only bottles in the USA of a wine I already bought from a US retailer. Happens every couple of weeks.
It just means you bought the last of them!

Parker licensed every writer and retail to declaim the wine they are hawking "the [this] of [that]." "The Mouton of the Monongahela Valley." "The Flaccianello of Flatbush." "The Salon of Saigon."
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#18 Post by D@vid Bu3ker » September 21st, 2020, 6:49 pm

Neal.Mollen wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:42 pm
D@vid Bu3ker wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 5:04 pm
Every time Envoyer says they are offering the only bottles in the USA of a wine I already bought from a US retailer. Happens every couple of weeks.
It just means you bought the last of them!

Parker licensed every writer and retail to declaim the wine they are hawking "the [this] of [that]." "The Mouton of the Monongahela Valley." "The Flaccianello of Flatbush." "The Salon of Saigon."
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#19 Post by Kelly Walker » September 21st, 2020, 6:53 pm

Burgundy offers that start with "from vines adjacent to La Tache..."
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Breathless purple prose

#20 Post by Charles Weiss » September 21st, 2020, 6:55 pm

"Imagine cutting into a thick, grass-fed, dry-aged ribeye that was expertly encrusted in its own fat within a scorching cast iron pan. Tirelessly basted with golden butter and finished with flaky sea salt. Crispy on the outside while pink and tender in the middle. Primal grazing cow-like flavor, meaty, minerally and moderately funky like buttered popcorn from weeks of solitary dry-aging. Smoky, pulverized andouille sausage compound butter drips and oozes into every crevice and glazes the beef with an extra sheen of flavor. Vibrant, locally-grown sweet red peppers are charred underneath and tossed in a piquant lime aioli. Dark purple, hedonistic wine is slowly poured into your goblet generating frothy violet-hued foam that reeks of fermented blackberries, asphalt and roasted espresso beans. Are you in heaven? Nope, you're just preparing the perfect compliment to this red hot steaming deal."

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#21 Post by Neal.Mollen » September 21st, 2020, 6:56 pm

D@vid Bu3ker wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:49 pm
Neal.Mollen wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:42 pm
D@vid Bu3ker wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 5:04 pm
Every time Envoyer says they are offering the only bottles in the USA of a wine I already bought from a US retailer. Happens every couple of weeks.
It just means you bought the last of them!

Parker licensed every writer and retail to declaim the wine they are hawking "the [this] of [that]." "The Mouton of the Monongahela Valley." "The Flaccianello of Flatbush." "The Salon of Saigon."
The Mad Dog of Montalcino
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#22 Post by John Morris » September 21st, 2020, 6:57 pm

Mark Golodetz wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:31 pm
BTW, talking of apostrophes why do both Sotheby’s and Christie’s have them?
Same reason Macy's does: We tend to refer to sellers in the possessive. I suspect it's because, when the company name is a surname, we think of it once having been a person's establishment.

It has become force of habit, so we add an S in speech even when the legal name is not in possessive form. Have you ever heard someone not add an S to Nordstrom or JC Penney?
"But they told me there would be a hand basket."

"I'm not slurring my words. I'm speaking cursive."

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#23 Post by John Morris » September 21st, 2020, 6:59 pm

Charles Weiss wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:55 pm
"Imagine cutting into a thick, grass-fed, dry-aged ribeye that was expertly encrusted in its own fat within a scorching cast iron pan. Tirelessly basted with golden butter and finished with flaky sea salt. Crispy on the outside while pink and tender in the middle. Primal grazing cow-like flavor, meaty, minerally and moderately funky like buttered popcorn from weeks of solitary dry-aging. Smoky, pulverized andouille sausage compound butter drips and oozes into every crevice and glazes the beef with an extra sheen of flavor. Vibrant, locally-grown sweet red peppers are charred underneath and tossed in a piquant lime aioli. Dark purple, hedonistic wine is slowly poured into your goblet generating frothy violet-hued foam that reeks of fermented blackberries, asphalt and roasted espresso beans. Are you in heaven? Nope, you're just preparing the perfect compliment to this red hot steaming deal."
We need citations here, folks!
"But they told me there would be a hand basket."

"I'm not slurring my words. I'm speaking cursive."

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#24 Post by John Morris » September 21st, 2020, 7:01 pm

D@vid Bu3ker wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:49 pm
Neal.Mollen wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:42 pm
D@vid Bu3ker wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 5:04 pm
Every time Envoyer says they are offering the only bottles in the USA of a wine I already bought from a US retailer. Happens every couple of weeks.
It just means you bought the last of them!

Parker licensed every writer and retail to declaim the wine they are hawking "the [this] of [that]." "The Mouton of the Monongahela Valley." "The Flaccianello of Flatbush." "The Salon of Saigon."
The Mad Dog of Montalcino
"Poughkeepsie is the Paris of upstate New York," was a metaphor used by John Searle, a philosophy professor of mine in my undergrad days.

But I digress....
"But they told me there would be a hand basket."

"I'm not slurring my words. I'm speaking cursive."

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#25 Post by DanielP » September 21st, 2020, 7:02 pm

Neal.Mollen wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:56 pm
D@vid Bu3ker wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:49 pm
Neal.Mollen wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:42 pm

It just means you bought the last of them!

Parker licensed every writer and retail to declaim the wine they are hawking "the [this] of [that]." "The Mouton of the Monongahela Valley." "The Flaccianello of Flatbush." "The Salon of Saigon."
The Mad Dog of Montalcino
The Echezeaux of West Fargo.
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Re: Breathless purple prose

#26 Post by JBrochu » September 21st, 2020, 7:08 pm

John Morris wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:59 pm
Charles Weiss wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:55 pm
"Imagine cutting into a thick, grass-fed, dry-aged ribeye that was expertly encrusted in its own fat within a scorching cast iron pan. Tirelessly basted with golden butter and finished with flaky sea salt. Crispy on the outside while pink and tender in the middle. Primal grazing cow-like flavor, meaty, minerally and moderately funky like buttered popcorn from weeks of solitary dry-aging. Smoky, pulverized andouille sausage compound butter drips and oozes into every crevice and glazes the beef with an extra sheen of flavor. Vibrant, locally-grown sweet red peppers are charred underneath and tossed in a piquant lime aioli. Dark purple, hedonistic wine is slowly poured into your goblet generating frothy violet-hued foam that reeks of fermented blackberries, asphalt and roasted espresso beans. Are you in heaven? Nope, you're just preparing the perfect compliment to this red hot steaming deal."
We need citations here, folks!
I need a smoke and a cold shower after that one.
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#27 Post by Victor Hong » September 21st, 2020, 7:22 pm

John Morris wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:57 pm
Mark Golodetz wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:31 pm
BTW, talking of apostrophes why do both Sotheby’s and Christie’s have them?
Same reason Macy's does: We tend to refer to sellers in the possessive. I suspect it's because, when the company name is a surname, we think of it once having been a person's establishment.

It has become force of habit, so we add an S in speech even when the legal name is not in possessive form. Have you ever heard someone not add an S to Nordstrom or JC Penney?
Bankruptcy lawyers.
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#28 Post by JDavisRoby » September 21st, 2020, 7:30 pm

Not a retailer, but Herman Story release notes from Russ From are fantastic.
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Re: Breathless purple prose

#29 Post by Sc0tt F!tzger@ld » September 21st, 2020, 7:32 pm

JBrochu wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 7:08 pm
John Morris wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:59 pm
Charles Weiss wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:55 pm
"Imagine cutting into a thick, grass-fed, dry-aged ribeye that was expertly encrusted in its own fat within a scorching cast iron pan. Tirelessly basted with golden butter and finished with flaky sea salt. Crispy on the outside while pink and tender in the middle. Primal grazing cow-like flavor, meaty, minerally and moderately funky like buttered popcorn from weeks of solitary dry-aging. Smoky, pulverized andouille sausage compound butter drips and oozes into every crevice and glazes the beef with an extra sheen of flavor. Vibrant, locally-grown sweet red peppers are charred underneath and tossed in a piquant lime aioli. Dark purple, hedonistic wine is slowly poured into your goblet generating frothy violet-hued foam that reeks of fermented blackberries, asphalt and roasted espresso beans. Are you in heaven? Nope, you're just preparing the perfect compliment to this red hot steaming deal."
We need citations here, folks!
I need a smoke and a cold shower after that one.
I’ll have what he’s having!

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#30 Post by Andrew K. » September 21st, 2020, 7:41 pm

John Morris wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:02 pm
1. You have a problem with the plural possessive? My intention was to start a thread about various missives that make us guffaw. So it was meant to be plural.

2. I'm saying that I wish he was just a wee bit sheepish about the price. I mean, if this is such a rare and cherished thing, why does it need such a marketing push?
1. OK the "me" singular confused me. Carry on.

2. I suppose that's true. But salesmen will be salesmen!
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#31 Post by Craig G » September 21st, 2020, 8:14 pm

I’m confused. Who wouldn’t be happy and excited to have Coche to sell at extraordinary markups?
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#32 Post by m. ristev » September 21st, 2020, 8:16 pm

jleedionne wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 5:52 pm
Andrew K. wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 5:41 pm
I guffawed when the post title said "retailers'", but that's neither here nor there.

Is this just Coche envy or are you actually complaining about the price being higher than s other retailers?
Highly doubt that he has Coche envy.

As good as the Aligoté is, $200 is a lot of money for wine that is probably not more than €15– ex-cellars.
i would argue that even for 15 euro it is a poor aligote; thin, acidic, too much wood. no matter what the salesmen might say, this is not overachieving like d'auvenay.
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#33 Post by Brian S t o t t e r » September 21st, 2020, 8:42 pm

Every time an email says “[famous winery]’s neighbor”
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#34 Post by David K o l i n » September 21st, 2020, 9:31 pm

Victor Hong wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 7:22 pm
John Morris wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:57 pm
Mark Golodetz wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:31 pm
BTW, talking of apostrophes why do both Sotheby’s and Christie’s have them?
Same reason Macy's does: We tend to refer to sellers in the possessive. I suspect it's because, when the company name is a surname, we think of it once having been a person's establishment.

It has become force of habit, so we add an S in speech even when the legal name is not in possessive form. Have you ever heard someone not add an S to Nordstrom or JC Penney?
Bankruptcy lawyers.
I know Penney bankruptcy lawyers that refer to the company as Penney’s

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#35 Post by Ethan Abraham » September 22nd, 2020, 3:20 am

John Morris wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:57 pm
Mark Golodetz wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:31 pm
BTW, talking of apostrophes why do both Sotheby’s and Christie’s have them?
Same reason Macy's does: We tend to refer to sellers in the possessive. I suspect it's because, when the company name is a surname, we think of it once having been a person's establishment.

It has become force of habit, so we add an S in speech even when the legal name is not in possessive form. Have you ever heard someone not add an S to Nordstrom or JC Penney?
I don't! This seems like a British habit more than anything...hell I've seen Brits at work refer to "goldman's".

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#36 Post by Jim Stewart » September 22nd, 2020, 4:11 am

"Drink now - 2055"
Age merely shows what children we remain.
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But I've just noticed that my mind is asleep.
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#37 Post by joejolesch » September 22nd, 2020, 4:25 am

“The NDA to end all NDAs!”
“$200+ at the winery, $20 for you today”
[wink.gif]

And +1 to Jim’s comment...”offers immediate pleasure, but will evolve for decades.”

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#38 Post by John Morris » September 22nd, 2020, 5:48 am

Ethan Abraham wrote:
September 22nd, 2020, 3:20 am
John Morris wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:57 pm
Mark Golodetz wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:31 pm
BTW, talking of apostrophes why do both Sotheby’s and Christie’s have them?
Same reason Macy's does: We tend to refer to sellers in the possessive. I suspect it's because, when the company name is a surname, we think of it once having been a person's establishment.

It has become force of habit, so we add an S in speech even when the legal name is not in possessive form. Have you ever heard someone not add an S to Nordstrom or JC Penney?
I don't! This seems like a British habit more than anything...hell I've seen Brits at work refer to "goldman's".
Yes, that is common there. I know the law firm Slaughter and May is often referred to as Slaughters, too. One assumes that Barclays and Sainsburys began as surnames without the S.

But the British S suffix doesn’t usually have the apostrophe. Is it plural, since in British English, corporations take plural verbs?

But we digress again....
"But they told me there would be a hand basket."

"I'm not slurring my words. I'm speaking cursive."

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#39 Post by Andrew K. » September 22nd, 2020, 6:10 am

Just got this one this morning on a 2019 Auslese GK.

"Wait, if you can, for this to really open up in 2023 or 2024"
к𝓁ย𝐠

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G. Curd
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#40 Post by G. Curd » September 22nd, 2020, 6:21 am

[rofl.gif] [rofl.gif] [rofl.gif]
Jim Stewart wrote:
September 22nd, 2020, 4:11 am
"Drink now - 2055"
G a v i n

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#41 Post by Ethan Abraham » September 22nd, 2020, 6:22 am

My favorite was an email with a quote "burgundy hit the jackpot in 2015" advertising a white burg.

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#42 Post by Mark Golodetz » September 22nd, 2020, 6:27 am

Terry Thiese once described a wine as something to drink next to a roaring fire, naked.
ITB

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#43 Post by JBrochu » September 22nd, 2020, 6:42 am

Mark Golodetz wrote:
September 22nd, 2020, 6:27 am
Terry Thiese once described a wine as something to drink next to a roaring fire, naked.
Everybody knows that's what hot cocoa is for.
J@hn

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#44 Post by emile bond » September 22nd, 2020, 6:43 am

Produced in the spirit of, or inspired by, or the closest thing to, or the next generation of, or the next iteration of, etc., and then, predictably, even nauseatingly, the Producers referenced are Gentaz-Dervieux, Verset, Trollat, Michel, & Juge.

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#45 Post by D@ve D y r 0 f f » September 22nd, 2020, 6:49 am

Putting aside that I don’t own a truck to back up, if I bought a case of every wine touted as a “case buy must purchase” by a retailer, I’d be both broke and sleeping in the back yard due to the house overflowing with wine.

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#46 Post by David_K » September 22nd, 2020, 6:50 am

Brian S t o t t e r wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 8:42 pm
Every time an email says “[famous winery]’s neighbor”
For sure - but even better is when it's [famous winery's proprietor's] best friend, or what [famous winery's proprietor] drinks at home.
K@ntrОwi╦z

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#47 Post by williamwhelan » September 22nd, 2020, 7:04 am

joejolesch wrote:
September 22nd, 2020, 4:25 am
And +1 to Jim’s comment...”offers immediate pleasure, but will evolve for decades.”
[truce.gif] I feel seen
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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#48 Post by Jonathan Loesberg » September 22nd, 2020, 7:14 am

John Morris wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 7:01 pm
D@vid Bu3ker wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:49 pm
Neal.Mollen wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 6:42 pm

It just means you bought the last of them!

Parker licensed every writer and retail to declaim the wine they are hawking "the [this] of [that]." "The Mouton of the Monongahela Valley." "The Flaccianello of Flatbush." "The Salon of Saigon."
The Mad Dog of Montalcino
"Poughkeepsie is the Paris of upstate New York," was a metaphor used by John Searle, a philosophy professor of mine in my undergrad days.

But I digress....
Now there's an academic name drop. I'm guessing he did not make you read Derrida.

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#49 Post by Marshall Manning » September 22nd, 2020, 10:03 am

D@vid Bu3ker wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 5:04 pm
Every time Envoyer says they are offering the only bottles in the USA of a wine I already bought from a US retailer. Happens every couple of weeks.
Yeah, that always makes me wonder who does their writing. How do they know what every other store in the country carries? Lots of shops don't list some/all of their inventory on Wine-Searcher.
Marshall

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Re: Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

#50 Post by John Morris » September 22nd, 2020, 10:05 am

Jonathan Loesberg wrote:
September 22nd, 2020, 7:14 am
John Morris wrote:
September 21st, 2020, 7:01 pm
"Poughkeepsie is the Paris of upstate New York," was a metaphor used by John Searle, a philosophy professor of mine in my undergrad days.

But I digress....
Now there's an academic name drop. I'm guessing he did not make you read Derrida.
No, but Searle did throw Derrida's name around. Habermas's, too. To what end, I don't recall.
"But they told me there would be a hand basket."

"I'm not slurring my words. I'm speaking cursive."

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