I should clarify my answer to the original question. If I’m being truthful on behalf of what this really going on in our region, 6 bottles per couple per tasting would be looked upon happily. I would say if you are deciding between gifting and buying, leave the gifts at home and buy wine. This is the most important thing for the survival of the local economy. Also, eat out at local restaurants.
Even Marcus can agree with me on this 
If you want to leave some caviar instead I would be amiable. 
If you don’t already have a relationship with the winery/winemaker, gifts are not needed. If you have a relationship, then a gift is always nice but never expected. From an etiquette standpoint, don’t bring food into a tasting room (either snack outside or purchase what they have available).
The biggest etiquette thing for me is to pay attention to the person pouring your wine when they are talking about it. Yes, many experiences will be with people relatively new to working in a tasting room and they’ll have a certain script they are going through, but take the 60 seconds to listen to them explain the wine. If you have someone pouring for you that knows their stuff, ask questions, especially if it is with the winemaker/owner. We love talking about what we do and why we do it with people that are interested. Don’t treat tasting rooms as just a cool place to go and drink random wine. You chose a certain winery for a reason, give a few moments to pay attention to the wine in front of you, and not just spend the entire time chatting within your party. If you like the wine, buy some to take home!
The rudest thing I’ve seen a guest do is try to pour their own wine… I’m not even sure the legality of it either, but that’s when you ask someone to leave.
In Oregon, not legal.
When my daughter worked at Januik, she would usually bring one of their wines as a gift. Several places just were happy to trade her a bottle of theirs. I can’t think of one tasting experience there in 15 years where I couldn’t find something to buy.
I agree with this competely. My only caveat is that I don’t ever think someone should buy wines they don’t enjoy.
Megan and I really enjoy the wines people have gifted us with, but the biggest gift is the visitors time and interest in what we do. I think there are a tremendous number of really wonderful wines in the Willamette Valley right now, and taking the time to come and visit means a lot.
As an owner, tipping is different for us, while we appreciate it, I think it’s a great way to recognize when a staff member does an exceptional job in a tasting room.
I appreciate having this thread covering good etiquette when visiting but I think we should be realistic in stating that if the tasting is >$40 per person, that’s a significant amount and additional compensation, whether tips or purchases, should be at the consumers discretion.
I’ve wondered about places I regularly buy from. I’ve sometimes felt a little bit uncomfortable not buying even though I know (or think) it’s not really expected.
So are regular customers (say folks buying 2-6 cases a year) definitely not expected to buy at tastings? I would hate to offend anybody that I really like. And I don’t buy regularly from anybody that I don’t care a great deal about. (Which I think is really a side effect of this forum.)
I generally feel that a regular buyer, especially 2-6 cases annually, has already bought the wines and the tasting is to help them make the best choices regarding when to open bottles and what to serve it with.
You shouldn’t worry about buying at the tasting if you regularly support the winery (IMO).
This is a lot closer to how I feel about it than what @KathrynHermann advocated. I say that with all respect to her perspective and opinions.
For me:
Show interest and respect, be engaged and attentive;
treat it like a wine tasting and don’t treat it like a bar;
if you find some things you like or find interesting (and I almost always can) buy a few;
consider tipping it the employee gives particularly good service (this idea in tasting rooms is pretty new to me but I’m fine with it where it seems warranted).
And, for wineries with lots of bottlings , these tasting help customers decide which bottlings to focus on, assuming the winery affords their customers some flexibility in what they’re buying.
@Chris_Seiber yes of course I agree with you. There is a however a glaring truth in the Willamette that a lot of wineries are hurting, seriously. We can all re-discuss in 5 and 10 years. I honestly pray that I and my colleagues will be here still in a few decades. The truth is that if you visit and winery and you want them to stick around, you should: have already purchased 6 bottles / a case that calendar year, or plan to purchase 6 bottles / a case that calendar year. I’m not trying to be a marketer. I’m trying to tell you all the honest reality of owning and running a winery in the Willamette.
In all due respect this is the wrong way to look at it because if this is your view I don’t want to come to your winery. I have been collecting wine for over 20 years, travel around the world to visit wineries, make wine and have helped tons of winemakers market their wines. I would think as a new winery you would be thrilled to have experienced collectors and tasters visit you so you can show your wines. If I like them I will buy and buy a lot, I will instagram them to my 26k followers, I will tell every somm I know around the country about them, post on this and other boards, tell all of my contacts in the media and reviewers…you get the point. I actually did an Oregon tasting in Germany for a bunch of somms and winemakers…in fact I had one of your wines.
Don’t mean to be obnoxious just trying to give you some frank advice that you and your wines need to sell themselves as it is a very competitive wine world.
Check out the last photo…I carried your wine and 12 others to Germany to spread the gospel of Oregon!
@Robert_Dentice Thank you! Unfortunately if we don’t sell wine we can’t pay hardworking farmers, glass providers, cellarhands, and cork producers. Surely you can’t argue with paying people for their hard work. Honestly, I will never waiver on this.
I am not doubting or downplaying the challenges or realities faced by winemakers in the area but (to me!) this seems like a crazy statement to make or expectation to have - on a number of levels
@Robert_Dentice Amazing! You are so cool! My last name is Hermann. We are German. What are you mad about? I’m not sure.
Well I do care deeply about farmers and all people in the wine world so I guess I tried to give you some honest but respectful advice. I will leave it at that…
Hi everyone, I apologize greatly that I encouraged people to buy wine from small family businesses.
I think I will now leave this forum as I can see that I am not encouraged to advocate for family-owned businesses.
Many blessings to you all.
Please look us up now and in many decades to come if you enjoy my family’s wines.
Sending love and light to you gentlemen!
On some level, if prospective customers feel social pressure that they should only go to a tasting room if they will buy 6-12 bottles, plus pay tasting fees and tipping employees, might they just decide not to go there?
That’s an awfully big commitment of money (and storage) just to come to a tasting room and taste a small number of 1-2 ounce pours. It seems out of proportion.
Of course, if you’re getting tours, time with the winemakers, back vintages, special bottlings, etc. more expectation seems more reasonable.
As I said to you privately I don’t think you will find a community more supportive of this! Just ask some of your Oregon colleagues about beserker day. We all care deeply about small wineries so please stay and become an active participant!