Retailers' e-mails that caused me to guffaw

[Ethan_Abraham]

My favorite was an email with a quote “burgundy hit the jackpot in 2015” advertising a white burg.

[Mark_Golodetz]

Terry Thiese once described a wine as something to drink next to a roaring fire, naked.

[JBrochu]

Terry Thiese once described a wine as something to drink next to a roaring fire, naked.

Everybody knows that’s what hot cocoa is for.

[emile_bond]

Produced in the spirit of, or inspired by, or the closest thing to, or the next generation of, or the next iteration of, etc., and then, predictably, even nauseatingly, the Producers referenced are Gentaz-Dervieux, Verset, Trollat, Michel, & Juge.

[Dav3_Dyr0ff]

Putting aside that I don’t own a truck to back up, if I bought a case of every wine touted as a “case buy must purchase” by a retailer, I’d be both broke and sleeping in the back yard due to the house overflowing with wine.

[David_K2]

Every time an email says “[famous winery]’s neighbor”

For sure - but even better is when it’s [famous winery’s proprietor’s] best friend, or what [famous winery’s proprietor] drinks at home.

[williamwhelan]

And +1 to Jim’s comment…”offers immediate pleasure, but will evolve for decades.”

I feel seen

[Jonathan_Loesberg]

It just means you bought the last of them!

Parker licensed every writer and retail to declaim the wine they are hawking “the [this] of [that].” “The Mouton of the Monongahela Valley.” “The Flaccianello of Flatbush.” “The Salon of Saigon.”

The Mad Dog of Montalcino

“Poughkeepsie is the Paris of upstate New York,” was a metaphor used by John Searle, a philosophy professor of mine in my undergrad days.

But I digress…

Now there’s an academic name drop. I’m guessing he did not make you read Derrida.

[Marshall_Manning]

Every time Envoyer says they are offering the only bottles in the USA of a wine I already bought from a US retailer. Happens every couple of weeks.

Yeah, that always makes me wonder who does their writing. How do they know what every other store in the country carries? Lots of shops don’t list some/all of their inventory on Wine-Searcher.

[John_Morris]

“Poughkeepsie is the Paris of upstate New York,” was a metaphor used by John Searle, a philosophy professor of mine in my undergrad days.

But I digress…

Now there’s an academic name drop. I’m guessing he did not make you read Derrida.

No, but Searle did throw Derrida’s name around. Habermas’s, too. To what end, I don’t recall.

[Marshall_Manning]

From Envoyer earlier this year:

"A Classic New Release Rioja With Almost 15 Years of Age - 2006 Hermanos Pérez Pascuas Ribera del Duero Reserva ‘El Pedrosal’ Edicion Limitada

They actually ran the same copy again a few weeks later despite my email suggesting that they should know the difference between the two when trying to sell wine .

[Chris_Crutchfield]

“Poughkeepsie is the Paris of upstate New York,” was a metaphor used by John Searle, a philosophy professor of mine in my undergrad days.

But I digress…

Go Bears!

[John_Morris]

From Envoyer earlier this year:

"A Classic New Release Rioja With Almost 15 Years of Age - 2006 Hermanos Pérez Pascuas Ribera del Duero Reserva ‘El Pedrosal’ Edicion Limitada

They actually ran the same copy again a few weeks later despite my email suggesting that they should know the difference between the two when trying to sell wine .

Right up there with this on the Selfridges website:

Where to start?

1. Marchesi di Barolo is a different producer, not the same as E. Pira.
2. Cannubi is spelled wrong
3. No vintage is listed (as is the case with many of their wines).

[Jonathan_Loesberg]

“Poughkeepsie is the Paris of upstate New York,” was a metaphor used by John Searle, a philosophy professor of mine in my undergrad days.

But I digress…

Now there’s an academic name drop. I’m guessing he did not make you read Derrida.

No, but Searle did throw Derrida’s name around. Habermas’s, too. To what end, I don’t recall.

So I’m guessing he didn’t mention his critique of Derrida’s critique of Austin and Derrida’s response?

[Rich_K0rz_nk0]

We need citations here, folks!

I need a smoke and a cold shower after that one.

I’ll have what he’s having!

Yeah, I’d like a 6 pack of that. Jesus. I feel flushed.

[Sarah_Kirschbaum]

Every time Envoyer says they are offering the only bottles in the USA of a wine I already bought from a US retailer. Happens every couple of weeks.

Yeah, that always makes me wonder who does their writing. How do they know what every other store in the country carries? Lots of shops don’t list some/all of their inventory on Wine-Searcher.

Envoyer sent out a sake offer the other day that clearly translated (to me, anyway) “This is a totally boring and unexciting sake, but we have to come up with some verbiage that justifies its high price!”

[Marcu_Stanley]

Every time Envoyer says they are offering the only bottles in the USA of a wine I already bought from a US retailer. Happens every couple of weeks.

It just means you bought the last of them!

Parker licensed every writer and retail to declaim the wine they are hawking “the [this] of [that].” “The Mouton of the Monongahela Valley.” “The Flaccianello of Flatbush.” “The Salon of Saigon.”

See also “a baby ___”. Big-ticket first growths and thousand dollar Burgundy grand crus have so many babies they must be using the rhythm method!

[Peter_Kleban]

Every time Envoyer says they are offering the only bottles in the USA of a wine I already bought from a US retailer. Happens every couple of weeks.

It just means you bought the last of them!

Parker licensed every writer and retail to declaim the wine they are hawking “the [this] of [that].” “The Mouton of the Monongahela Valley.” “The Flaccianello of Flatbush.” “The Salon of Saigon.”

See also “a baby ___”. Big-ticket first growths and thousand dollar Burgundy grand crus have so many babies they must be using the rhythm method!

The “Barolo of Brooklyn.” “Staten Island Semillon.” “New Jersey Nebbiolo.” “Coney Island Chianti.” One could go on endlessly…

[Neal.Mollen]

It just means you bought the last of them!

Parker licensed every writer and retail to declaim the wine they are hawking “the [this] of [that].” “The Mouton of the Monongahela Valley.” “The Flaccianello of Flatbush.” “The Salon of Saigon.”

See also “a baby ___”. Big-ticket first growths and thousand dollar Burgundy grand crus have so many babies they must be using the rhythm method!

The “Barolo of Brooklyn.” “Staten Island Semillon.” “New Jersey Nebbiolo.” “Coney Island Chianti.” One could go on endlessly…

Pretty sure Staten Island Semillon was a Billy Joel song

[Peter_Kleban]

Wine and song? OK, I can’t resist

- YouTube